I'm way over it before you did.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I've been feeling disappointed, upset and angry when i my mum came into my bedroom on 3rd of Oct, mid-autumn festival morning when i was still in bed and told me, 'I'm going to genting' says mum. My head was still blurry and asked her why the sudden the trip and went back to bed when she didn't answer. When I woke up, I knew it wasn't a dream and my mum had left me at home with my sister on that day with dad working. I was angry with her because she didn't tell me about the trip until last minute and really last minute and when I'm sleeping. Also, why choose mid-autumn when we were suppose to celebrate with mooncake and glutinous rice dumplings as a FAMILY. When anger fumes, other emotions like disappointment and sadness filled in.

I let the day pass with tv, computer and other stuffs and she called at night. I was the one who answered the phone and the person who said hi was uncle(aunt's husband). He wasn't polite at all and I wasn't happy with it and worse was mum took the call. I sounded like I wasn't happy and I was. I know she wanted to talk to me but perhaps my voice didn't came as friendly and she evaded by asking for someone else to the phone. For the next two days, I didn't pick up any of her call and didn't talk to her. I was long asleep when she came back on monday night and I only saw her on tuesday. I didn't want to talk to her and I kept at it for a week. I only started to say a few words yesterday and I started to try to let the incident pass but today, my journey home was trash. I stuffed my ears with music to avoid the 'car-sickness' I would usually feel in my dad's lorry and sing to distract myself. Then came the trash part. I was actually in a good mood from work and my dad had to ask me things that would make me mad. Before this, my sister and dad would ask me why I just wouldn't talk to mum and I would just ignore them because I know they don't feel the same way as I feel about mum going to genting and it would only waste my time explaining. Mum was like the only parent to me since I hardly ever talk to dad. So, this incident really made a hole in my heart. To make it bigger my dad asked me about the passport that we have planned to collect next sat, if he could bring my mum to collect it earlier. I asked him, 'why do you ask?'. He replied saying that mum might be going overseas again so they would be collecting it first while I waited for mine. Overseas Again... You got to be kidding. With whatever he asked me later about the details I just shouted at him and stopped talking and put my anger onto singing. At the point, I was thinking to myself, if mum does that again in sometime near, I would definitely flare up and never talk to her again. I'm already feeling it now. The NEED to shut up and not talk to my parents. I'm not angry with my mum not bringing me along for the trip, I'm angry at her telling only that late when I guessed she already planned to go since like way before by taking away possibilities of her not planning beforehand. I need to breakaway from this, working is not enough to get me away.

I finished a book yesterday, in a day and the book was great, and it kept me occupied for the whole day beside work. Can everyday be a book day for me to escape? Is escaping a solution? If I were to talk to my mum about it, I know it would not be a talk, I would probably be on top of my voice by the second word or sentence. What should I do???

Labels: damn trips

| a simple day. 7:19 PM
-----------------------------------